You are not enough…
If they only knew…
If only my life looked like…
This is how it starts. These statements are the beginning of many of my internal battles. It is exhausting. I long more than anything to be a woman who’s steadfast, unswerving in her identity, and serving Christ with all that she is. And yet I struggle. These thoughts pop up, and Satan fuels the fire with his lies. Soon I am sulking in self-pity, jealousy, and anger.
If I am honest, I have a lifelong pattern of listening to these lies. They have become familiar friends.
I am not enough. If only I did more, I would be worth more. If I were thinner and prettier, if I were in a relationship, if I got that promotion, then I could cease striving.
Her goodness and success minimizes mine. This is the comparison trap so many of us fall prey to. What can I do to be more like her? Her success will make me look like a failure. Diminishing her value will build my own.
All love for me is conditional. If they only knew, if they saw everything about me, it would all come crashing down. No one loves me for the true me. Keep pretending; be the person they like.
God will not fulfill His promises; He wants something other than my good. My situation looks nothing like my plans. God is leading me astray. I can control my life. The outcome is better in my hands. God is not safe.
These are the thoughts that keep me up at night. The thoughts that drive a wedge into my relationship with the Lord. It is these little seeds of doubt that flourish into anger and a belief that God is not entirely good.
These are the lies Satan speaks over my life, and maybe over yours as well. The dangerous part is that I begin to agree with them. I slowly write a narrative of these lies over my own life. It is not until they are faced with light and truth that they disappear.
When darkness and light meet, the light always wins.